dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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