That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
