"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
