Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am naked and annoyed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
