considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
