R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
