please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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