This is not my ceiling
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
