it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
