Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize