Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
