brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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