Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
