i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I didn't notice because vodka
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
