If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
