I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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