Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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