My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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