yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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