I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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