told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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