She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize