i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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