My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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