Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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