Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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