I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have fence marks all over my body
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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