we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
