his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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