your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize