I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
