why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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