how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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