I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
