We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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