They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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