There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
