Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
