I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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