How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
