They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
