I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
