hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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