Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize