when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
