god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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