my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
