i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
