I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
