Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
