After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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