i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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