Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
