Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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