Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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