im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
