I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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