By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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