Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
