Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
