i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
