don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
