So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
