im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I need to calm my uterus...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
