ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
