So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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