So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
